I’m committed. I signed a lease for a studio space today. I have a key! I have a contract! This is real. I’ll be teaching acting again.

I was driving back to my office after signing the contract and there were two questions swirling around in my head.

1. Why didn’t I do this before?
2. Why was I able to do it now?

Why didn’t I do this before?

Frankly, the main reason is I didn’t think I had permission before. Does anyone else wrestle with this when you are dreaming your dreams. You think, “What I really want to do is… But, I can’t because I haven’t been asked. It hasn’t been suggested by an authority figure. If I were really meant to do this an opportunity would have presented itself long before now. And opportunity looks like a pink permission slip signed by my father or my mother or my teacher or my guru.”

I’ve known for awhile now, on an intellectual level, that there are no permission slips. There is no one else in my life who has the authority to sign permission slips on my behalf. But knowing that and acting on it are two different things. So I signed the permission slip today. It was a white 8.5 X 11 piece of paper with my signature on the bottom and it was attached to a check which also had my signature on the bottom.

Why was I able to do it now?

You may not believe me, but this blog has a lot to do with it. Accountability and connection are important to me. This falls under the category of: When you do your thing you find your people. I’ve connected with other writers (see my previous post) who have inspired and encouraged me to continue on my path of creative and professional development. Reading their blogs and their comments and their tweets has helped me clarify my goals and made me feel braver than I have felt before.

Also, I’m an actress. I crave an audience. That’s some plain and simple truth.

I have a support system that I never had before. Let me rephrase that: I have a support system that I’ve never accepted before. They’ve been there all along – some of them for my entire life – but, I didn’t really get it until now. For all kinds of weird twisted dimly lit reasons it’s difficult for me to accept help. A support system is one of the most important items on my creative needs list because we can’t create anything that matters in a vacuum. When you try to stretch yourself and take that step that you’ve never been able to take before, suddenly it dawns on you, I’m learning to walk here and I need someone to hold my hand. My daughter, my mother and my boyfriend make up the front line. I am a lucky woman and I am so thankful. I’ve also found some people to play with in the theatre community here and their support and encouragement has become infinitely valuable.

I think another reason for being able to do it now is that I’ve run up against the wall of inaction too many times in my life. And finally the bricks have made an impact. Phrases like – “If nothing changes, nothings changes” and “It’s now or never” and “What have you got to lose” come to mind. The lesson is finally sinking in. Dreams are great things, but taking action on those dreams will blow your mind in wonderful ways!

Here’s to signing our own permission slips!

Now, this is a side note, but there’s a bit of that crazy synchroncity buzzing through the web today. I don’t remember how I found it, but here’s a great big permission slip for the 10 year old girl in all of us. Amy Poehler, Meredith Walker and Amy Miles celebrate girls who are changing the world by being themselves. Check it out: Smart Girls at the Party

Tags: Acting, Theatre