Creative audacity is a lifelong journey that begins with our relationship to ourselves. We have to give ourselves permission to create before we can begin. The permission granted can only come from within and the internal gatekeeper is the inner critic.

How much easier would creating and performing be if our inner critic became our ally – or just kept her mouth shut for awhile?

My inner critic doesn’t have a name yet like some you will meet in the following stories, but whatever her name is – she uses some heavy ammo and she has spot on aim. Some of her best shots focus on my body:

You’re fat.
You’re too old.
You have bad hair.

or she can get me with comparisons:

What’s-her-face already did that and she did it better than you could ever do it.
You’ll never be as good as…
She could play this role so much better than you.

or she’ll try to convince me she’s on my side:

You’ve been working hard all day. Why don’t you just watch some TV and relax?
Really, dear, you’ve done enough. Take a break.
Do it tomorrow. Have a drink.

I hope some of these articles and stories will help you recoginze the clever strategies and ploys of your inner critic and equip you with some tools to overcome the negative little nag. (Hmmm. I think I’ll call her Nellie!) I may not be able to shut Nellie up, but I can certainly decide not to listen.

Inner Mean Girl Reform School
Finding Abundance by Facing Your Inner Critic
Women in Transition: 4 Steps to turn your inner critic into your coach
Invite the Inner Critic to Leave
Say Hello to Your Inner Critic and Write Faster
The Gremlin Taming Institute

If you have an Inner Critic resource, let me know. I’ll be happy to add it.

Carried Away on Opening Night

My head is under water. I have to stop fighting the current and go with the flow. Final Tech, Final Dress and Opening Night are inevitable. The illusion of comfort I had in thinking the show is still a month away has crashed. We are riding the rapids to the end.

A Poem is the same. Eventually they start rolling along on their own and I have to go with it or be drowned.

I’ve spent a lot of time under water. That’s what it feels like when you don’t want to let things take on their own life and you struggle and fight to wrestle the thing back into your comfort zone. Guess what? If you try to fight it, it – whatever it is: painting, poem, or song – will simply pull you under and pass you by.

This is frightening – but, what a relief! It’s not up to me anymore. No matter what I do, opening night will come. I can finally stop fighting the current and ride this baby out. The seats will be filled with audience members, friends, family members, and ex-boyfriends (but that’s another story).

There’s some humility in it. I am not the doer anymore. I am not doing the play. The play is doing me.

It requires surrender and strength to let go. I have to let myself become part of the thing that is bigger than me. I have to trust all the repetition that came before and let it carry me through to the end.

So I wanted to let you know I’m riding this one out. All the joy and adrenaline that comes with seeing your work come to life is rushing through me. It’s bigger than me. I’m a part of it and it is a part of me. I am submerged.

Thought for the day – Let the joy of the thing you do wash over you and carry you beyond the boundaries of who you think you are. Erase the edges that separate you from your art – disappear in it and let it move you. It’s a beautiful dance.